Monday, August 26, 2013

when the school year is both empty and full

This time of year has been hard on my heart the past 3 years. I am content to be a stay-at-home mom most of the time, but when I start reading the "back to school" facebook statuses, my heart twists a little bit. Okay, a lot. Last year, I walked around the house crying constantly for a good 48 hours. This year we are making progress- I have only had 4 tear-filled hours. That's progress.

Fact: It is a joy and a privilege to stay home to raise my chillens. I am aware that not everyone has this opportunity (nor does everyone want it!), and beyond that, I feel called to this for this season of life. I am often asked whether I think I'll return to teaching, and I have no idea what the answer is. I know 1)high schoolers MUST be a part of my life. My heart feels a little shriveled, a little raisin-y without them. And I know 2)singing must be a part of my life. This has been helped by teaching private voice lessons and singing in community choirs wherever I go. But there is something about conducting the music that is even more fulfilling... Part of me hopes that I can go back, and another part of me knows that life would be pretty sweet if I was able to continue being free to help in the classroom of my babes and go on field trips, and run in a change of clothes with no problem if they tore their jeans in gym class or forgot to have a form signed for class. My mom was available for me like that, and I would love to do the same. Who knows.

Roman, however, is enjoying his FIRST fall-triggered school beginning, and I am beyond excited for him. He tells me every day that in 3 weeks, he is going to school and "Mommy and Liam can't come with me. It's just me. And I'm going to learn and play and have snacks." I don't feel sad yet, but we'll see if a tear throws a surprise party in my eye when I'm driving away without my firstborn that first morning. Maybe I'll just plan on squeezing the stuffin's out of poor Liam. And then going to get a doughnut.

Let's be real, after all. You and I both know it's going to take some serious amounts of sugar and fats to cope with that leap.

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