Thursday, April 19, 2012

enough.

Am I pretty enough? Am I strong enough? Did I spend enough time with my kids today? Is my house clean enough? Did I love on my husband enough this week? Do I cook well enough? Do I eat well enough? Do I have enough money? Am I generous enough? Do I work hard enough? Is my car nice enough? Are my kids smart enough? Do people think I'm capable enough? Am I smart enough? Are my kids dressed well enough? Do I make enough money? Enough....Enough.....ENOUGH.
(side note: if you say that word enough, it starts sounding/looking reeeeeeally strange.)


e·nough/iˈnəf/

Adjective:
As much or as many as required.

Adverb:
To the required degree or extent (used after an adjective, adverb, or verb); adequately: "old enough to shave".

Exclamation:
Used to express impatient desire for an end to undesirable behavior or speech: "Enough! No more arguing!".

Synonyms:
adjective.  sufficient - adequate - ample - satisfactory
adverb.  sufficiently - pretty - satis - quite - fairly - rather


That depends. What defines your enough?

I was talking to a girlfriend tonight who is adjusting to life with another baby and she asked if I ever feel like a failure at the end of the day. "YES" was my response. (And you know when it's in capital letters it's serious.) And as I was typing my reply message, filled with encouragement and cheers that she could do this, I said that I just had to remind myself at the end of the day that "I was enough." And then I started thinking about what that meant.

For me, it's easy to feel like a failure if I let others define my "enough." And while it's good to keep your feelers out to know whether you are spending enough time with your kids, they don't define whether you're enough. It's good to ask yourself whether you're being a good wife and making your husband feel loved but he doesn't define whether you're enough. It's good to ask mothers/friends/sisters/teachers/books/etc what they do or how they do it or how you can do things better, but they don't define whether you're enough. Because if that's where you're finding your answers, enough is something you'll never be.

Today, actually, I thought about posting a question on my facebook status to ask moms to private-message me about how much time they spend (on average) per day with each child they have...because I want to make sure my kids are getting enough one-on-one time with me. And enough play time, and enough learning time, and ENOUGH from me. But I didn't ask. Because I realized that it was just a way for me to decide if I was being enough. And among the answers I would find, there would be some moms who spend less time with their kids and I'd feel good, while other moms would say they spent more time and I would feel like a failure who wasn't giving her kids what they needed.

That's when I asked the question Vertically. And God said that I was enough. And I knew I was.

Whether I spent enough time with the boys today or not, whether I had cooked a good dinner or not, whether I got to serve Jerry or work out or clean or do laundry or put makeup on or get dressed...I could have done all of that perfectly or none of that perfectly and still- I was enough. Because He made me exactly as I am, with the personality I have. I am a warrior/control freak/singer/joker/organizer/sympathizer/crier/defender because that's exactly what He intended for me to be and that's exactly what He needs to use me for the purpose He has placed on my life.

A small example of what I mean: I believe God gave me a heart for organization and cleanliness and home decor, combined with my love of people and knowing their heart, because He is going to call people to my home for me to love on. And they are going to feel a peace in my home because God is here, and when they leave their heart will be lighter.

I believe that God made me sensitive because, even though it can cause me to be overly-sensitive and take offense at stupid things, He made my heart to understand people's hearts/hurts/joys. And that matters.

My reason for this particular blog entry is this: I feel like God put it on my heart because someone is trying to find their worth. Trying to figure out what makes them enough. Trying to find the ruler against which to measure up.... and God made you perfectly. You measure up. And the irony is that if you try to measure up, you'll only fail because you'll never BE enough, you simply ARE enough.

Because He loves you enough to take interest in you, to count the number of hairs on your head, to form you in your mother's womb before one of your days came to be, and because He was willing to die for your unflattering moments/selfishness/anger/pride before you had a chance to have a bad day. He made you to be enough. 

And because of that, you are.

3 comments:

  1. I am also going to post this on your facebook wall because it was SO epic to me the first time I heard it...

    "For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority." - Colossians 2:9-10

    Christ is ENOUGH, and because of that, if we are in Him, we are enough.

    (That's courtesy of Girlfriend Getaway - this year's theme was "Enough is Enough.")

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  2. This is a very good blog post. I don't know how to elaborate on that... I get it.

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