SINCE I'VE WORN MAKEUP.
In college, two of my friends made me a bet that I couldn't wear sweats and no makeup for a whole week. It was my pride that forced me to accept. Screw pride. I gave up halfway through the second day.
Shocker- it is not a bet that finds me with a makeup-less face today. It's understanding.
No, I have not become all "granola"- you won't see me walking around in my toe-shoes while making my homemade bread that I made from the flour I ground myself. I was just sitting here on my couch during naptime, eating lunch and watching Nate Berkus, and wondering whether I was going to put on any makeup for the day. Guilty admission: I've already been out in public getting groceries and making a Target run.
If you are a regular in the "bare face world," I'm sure this doesn't seem like a big deal. But maybe I should have prefaced this entire story by explaining that even in middle and high school when I was in the barn milking cows (I'm a farm girl, baby!), I was wearing a full face of makeup. It made me feel dressed for the day. It wasn't really a self-esteem thing...I just didn't feel presentable until I had 1)brushed my teeth 2)gotten dressed and 3)applied the foundation. It's just what I do to get ready for the day. I even have a problem with the concept of wearing sweatpants outside of your house because I feel like you should be presentable when you're in public. That kind of changed a little bit with the creation of the Victoria's Secret PINK line of sweats. They're pretty cute and if it's a quick run to grab a carton of milk at 8pm I may, on very rare occasions, be seen in my sweatpants and Uggs. Maybe.
But today when I found myself even considering whether I was going to put on my makeup today....oh there was panic. "Oh Em Gee, am I becoming the frumpy Mom who doesn't care about herself?!?! Am I going to wear mom jeans now and cut my hair up to my ears?!?!" Upon realizing that my nails and toenails were nicely painted, my legs are newly shaved, and my outfit is "workout chic" but still appropriate for the public, I relaxed a little bit.
No, I don't think I'm falling apart. At least not today.
What is it that makes me okay with no makeup today? I blame it on childbirth. Not the screaming "push 'em out" part, but the grace that comes with acceptance of who I am.
It's amazing to me to discover that I carry almost none of the self-consciousnesses that accompanied my younger self. I was so critical.... my thighs were too wide, my stomach wasn't flat or tight enough, my skin was blotchy, my big toes were weird, my nose was crooked, I smiled with only half of my mouth, my chin stuck out too far. And the list continued.
But now I have seen what my body can do. I grew two beautiful, amazing children. My husband is attracted to me, thank God!, and who is really going to be close enough to me to judge me by the small sun spot on my left cheek anyway?
Sure, I have plans to make my upper arms less-flab-and-more-fab. I cannot wait to get back to the gym and run. And I will be giving my core muscles one heck of a workout after I've gotten the "thumbs up/game on" at my 6 week doctor appointment. But wasting time in front of the mirror spewing hate mail at my nose isn't going to get me anywhere.
After all, I've got two boys who need to be taught what a quality woman is so they know what they're looking for in a wife.