Wednesday, November 2, 2011

not for the faint of heart

Warning: the following post is not for the faint of heart. It describes a real event with real people, and those with a sensitivity to shower-induced nakedness or real life mommy moments are encouraged to stop reading.

Before I had kids, moms would comment to me about how amazing a plane flight without kids would be, or how fantastic taking the train and bringing along a good book would feel. Both situations' wonderful-ness caused by the chance for alone time. I never doubted it would feel wonderful to them, but I was unable to relate and certainly had never longed for such a thing. I didn't really LIKE to do things alone. Then I became a mom.

Then I tried to take my shower today.

Problem 1: It was 4pm and I had yet to shower. It was for wonderful reasons- a coffee morning with my best girlfriends turned into a lunch and then an afternoon hang out time with them. After that, I had a boy who wasn't feeling well (darn molars!) and wanted only to snuggle with mommy on the couch. Happy to oblige. But 8am becomes 11am becomes 1pm becomes 4pm and hubby walks in the door. I shout, "Hallelujah!" and hand off our toddler-ball-of-joy while saying, "honeyi'msogladyourehomecanyoujusttakehimforaminutesoicangetashowerthanksbye!" and zoom out of the room.

And, since one does not shower with clothes on, I put the dirty clothes in the [empty: applause!] laundry basket, turn the faucet on and all the way to hot so that the hottest water can be summoned, and proceed to empty my bladder.

Enter Sophie. Apparently I cannot pee without a dog being there to supervise. This happened before kids were ever a part of my life.

Following Sophie, Roman. I should have known, really. There was water running. Water is Roman's true love in life, above all else. Where there is water, there he will be.

And chasing after Roman, Jerry.

Let's review: me, naked, 29-and-a-half-weeks-preggo kind of large, and trying to spend quality time with my toilet, a toddler, a canine, and a husband. Sophie's tail is banging into the wall. Roman is fussing because he can't reach the water, and Jerry is talking to Roman....and all I want is one. solitary. glorious. SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It is at this moment that I realize I'd LOVE to be on a plane by myself, even a long one to the east coast- or further!- or a train, with a book.

Motherhood isn't glamorous. I've said that before, laced with amusement, as I wiped baby vomit off my dress. I've said that before, dripping with honesty, to an expectant mother. And I said it again to myself today as I longed for the opportunity to pee in peace.

So I did what any woman in my predicament would do- I looked deep into my husband's green eyes, smiled at him lovingly/pleadingly, and said, "Dear, as much as I love this family bonding time we're having....can I just. please. get. a. shower????"

He stopped mid-sentence, smiled, flashed me the thumbs-up, and took all living things with him.

Bless him.


  1. Makes me think of that quote I saw on Pinterest (beautifully painted/designed too) that said "I use to want it all, and now I just want to pee alone." Oy, motherhood :-) Soon, you'll have two little men following you into the bathroom AT. ALL. Times. It's gotten so bad for me that I now forget to close and lock the door when I go to the bathroom places other than my own house. Now, that's pathetic. Oh, and after last Thursday I told Josh that the best gift he can ever give me is taking the kids away (don't care where...somewhere safe, I guess) so I can have the entire house to myself for a couple of hours. Better than a spa day. Never thought I'd say something like that five years ago.

  2. @Daniella, i want that sign in my house!!!! lol just so you know, you can pee in my house with the door open any time! ;) and you know what, i agree- the best gift is for jerr to take roman or for me to leave by myself and go right down the road to starbucks with a book. even an hour makes a HUGE difference in my attitude and stress level.