Friday, October 21, 2011

time to reflect...

So, today marks the beginning of week 28 in the oven for Liam. (That's out of a total of 40 weeks, for those of you who don't have to know that kind of stuff yet.) Third trimester. And while most comment "Wow, this is going by so fast!!!" I have to say I do NOT agree. That doesn't mean, however, that I wish it were moving faster. I feel like it's taking a long time but I'm happy to wait. I still haven't done the nursery, but we finally have all we need to do that.

A sneak peak:

I'm painting this weekend and we'll hang the curtains/shelves/decorations hopefully when Jerr gets off work this afternoon. THEN I will feel a little more ready. Probably not totally ready but I'm not expecting to feel completely "together" ...well, ever. I'm pretty sure that if I did, I'd just be fooling myself.

So, as a fun side effect of taking lots of pictures during Roman's pregnancy, we can compare.

Roman's pregnancy at week 28:


Liam's pregnancy at week 28:



Pretty similar in size. That surprises me because early in the pregnancy, I was looking about 4-5 weeks bigger with Liam. I think that happened right away, though, because I started showing at week 4 this second time, wearing expander belts on my pants by week 7. I was unamused.

At this point Liam weighs 2.25lbs and measures 15" from head to toe. I am personally weighing in about 10lbs lighter at week 28 than I did with Roman and have no stretch marks yet, have had zero nausea since week 14, and aside from the given difficulty of sleep have had a great pregnancy free of pain, not counting the lower back pain that kicks in each night. I figure I can't count that because I have a husband who loves me enough to pull out the massage oils and love on me for about half an hour whenever I need it. I can't complain about anything, really. The hardest part of this second pregnancy is simply the hormonal roller coaster I'm on. It's really challenging when I have to raise a toddler that requires patience and grace and who is unable to understand "I'm sorry, sweet one, I'm just tired today." the way a husband can.

The second time around I find it much easier because I'm not in unknown territory, which is maybe why the time has seemed to pass slower. I know what is coming, I have already tracked the weekly development as one baby boy grew in the belly, I know that the steady spasms in there are Liam's hiccups, I know my body can bounce back and that it will just take time, I know that the third trimester is the most uncomfortable BY FAR... and you know what? It's nice to know something again.

Since I got pregnant with Roman, I have been operating in a world that is completely unknown to me. And since everyone's experience and every baby is different, it's not like someone else can tell you how your body is going to personally handle pregnancy. So I'm finding a great and welcome relief with this pregnancy that is so much like my pregnancy with Roman. And I know that's not always the case -I do not expect Liam to be anything like Roman!-but for now it's nice to say "yep, I've been 28 weeks pregnant before."

While talking with a precious friend of mine during the visit to Cali (I haven't forgotten to post about that trip yet. Pictures are sitting on my desktop waiting for me! It's just been a hectic past 3 days getting back into the swing of things), I laughed to hear my realization about life. She asked if I missed teaching and I quickly answered YES. Because I do. But it was funny to realize that teaching music and missing students wasn't the only reason for wanting to get back in the classroom some day. I want to go teach again because I felt like I actually knew something!!! I felt capable. I felt knowledgeable and respected. I felt good at what I did. And you know what? There hasn't been one day of being a mother that I feel like I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm constantly trying to figure it out, clueless and stumbling blindly, praying that I'm not screwing Roman up too badly and begging God to give me wisdom with every step. I have heard this will never change. Fantastic!

Never have I prayed this much, asked more questions, read more "how to" books, cried more tears, or felt such joy doing something. It is the most worthwhile thing I have ever done, but I sure don't have a clue what I'm doing and most days I feel like I'm failing- sometimes miserably. At best, there are days I'm feeling like we're doing pretty good and hopefully not messing up too horribly. It is HARD to be a mom. But it is AMAZING being a mom. And Roman is so precious to me... saying "I love him" doesn't do my heart-feelings justice.

However, since my little guy just woke up from his nap, it's time for me to stop reflecting and jump back into reality. The cool thing about reflecting is the appreciation that increases afterward. :)
xoxo
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By the way, I have decided that there is absolutely NO WAY to make a pair of linen khaki cargo pants look cute. Well, I should say "To make them look like Becker Style." I don't want to offend the khaki-cargo-pant-lovers! If they're your style, rock them, baby. It's just that in Lauren Land,these will forever stay "house only pants." At least they're a step up from sweat pants, right? ;) Perfect for today's agenda of getting stuff done around the house.

5 comments:

  1. The linen pants start becoming more appealing in the last two months (or trimester...depending on how you carry) when the belly is out there and shirts are nice and snug. I'd be lying if I didn't say I live in my white linen pants, especially here in HI. You have no idea how badly I want to put on a paif or leggings, rider boots and a nice comfy sweater tunic.

    Your belly does look about the same size! I actually couldn't tell the difference. I'm glad I'm not the only one with a belly button popped out :-)

    And, you're right, we'll NEVER have it down and figured out in this motherhood journey. I'm pretty sure God made it that way so we'd never stop needing Him. The best way to keep a woman humble and gentle in spirit, if you ask me. Dear ol' me, my cheese constantly falls off my cracker!

    Oh, and a nurse told me that with each pregnancy your hormones increase, so that explains the ups and downs and irritability and emotions, and....you know.

    Can't wait to see you soon! It's been too long.

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  2. @Daniella, yes but you look CUTE in your linen pants. I do not find it in my style to manage it. They are like huge question marks to me!!! So funny. I hear you on the riding boots (I packed mine and wore them almost every day in Cali!), leggings, and sweater tunic. Gonna be honest- that's usually what I rock. Leggings or a skirt ALWAYS, and I made a trip to the mall 2 weeks ago to buy three tunic shirts because I couldn't handle the pathetically few options in my closet. Oh, what I would give for cold weather...

    Girl, we can be belly button sisters. Mine is sticking out there like a third arm. So weird. No dark line on the belly yet, though. Do you?

    I agree with you- God made parenting like this so that we'd have to depend on Him. And I love it. It's an intimacy and understanding unlike I've ever had with Him. I love that He gives us marriage and kids to understand his love for us in both ways. What an incredible God.

    HOW INSANE THAT PREGNANCY HORMONES INCREASE WITH EACH PREGNANCY!!!!!! I feel so much better-less guilty- since reading that!!!!! Thank you. My gosh, it's SO much worse this time!!!! I don't even want to know the monster I'll be the third time around. Oh boy.

    I can't wait to see you either. It's been WAY too long and I need me some Daniella time. xoxo

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  3. You look amazing. You are doing a great job with Roman and Liam is lucky to be born into your family.
    xoxo

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  4. oh man you are one cute pregnant lady! you look GREAT. i didn't look that good prior to being pregnant, haha. and i love those pants! too bad you'll only wear them at home :(

    http://www.penelopeblue.blogspot.com/

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  5. Thanks Jamie :) You always have something encouraging to say and it means a lot to me. I miss you, my running buddy, fellow mommy, and dear friend.

    Lori, thanks so much!!!!! The pants were really comfortable...and you and Daniella seem to be in support of them. Maybe I just need to conquer them! It's now my mission to find a way to make them "Becker style" and take them outside the house walls! Thanks for stopping by the blog and leaving love! xoxo

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